Birthday girl

Our youngest princess turned two years old today. I am so happy for every day we have together, every milestone I get to share with her, the play, the laughters and the joy. She still brestfeeds and she's the one of my eight children who's decided to do so beyond the first year.

Happy birthday miss N. We love you dearly and wish you a wonderful new year.


I was met by this sign on the door when I came to work today.

I have had a very busy day at work. I'm on day shift almost the entire week. The weather has been boring with rain that has melted the beautiful snow. So the world looks grey outside our windows.

Me at work today. I'm a nurse. I love nursing. I love my patients. And most of all - I feel honoured every time I can participate in giving health care that improves a patients life quality, even if the patient would be dying. Nurses are important.

My family surprised me when I came home. That ment so much to me! They stood inside the hallway and sang carrols to me when I opened the door. And my wonderful husband had prepared Swedish glögg (non alcoholic mulled wine) with almonds and raisins. We had a great evening together.

Some of my welcome home committee. It's amazing to be greated in this manner after a long workday. My family is amazing. Every single one of my eight kids.

The older kids ended the night with playing hide and seek with the youngest kids. Lots of laughter!

J and N are hiding from N, who is just about to go look for them. The small ones giggled the entire time...

Every day I have with you guys is a miracle to me. Even if I'm really tired after an eventful job day, you always give me strength to go on. I love all of you so much!

I keep on marching forward. I put up a tough fight against this cancer. I hate cancer. But I love God and I love my family very much. I am truly happy and I feel safe and calm in the midst of everything that is going on! I will reach my destination.
And I think it's very important for everyone to have that, a destination. To have hopes and dreams, to love and laugh, to pray or cry. To be part of a family or to have a special person. A person can go through almost anything and come out on the other side of the tunnel (without necessary having been hit by the train on the way)...

Not the patient & Father's Day.

I worked all weekend and today is my day of. I still ended up at the hospital, on a planned appointment my daughters doctor. It was nice to not be the patient. Everything went great.

Waiting for the vascular surgeon.

Yesterday was Father's Day here in Sweden. We celebrated the best dad I know, my husband. He is such an amazing dad to all our kids. And he was so happy and moved by the gifts and the cake. Thank you for being so awesome!

We ended the day with playing in the snow. The result is beautiful.

Every day is a gift, a miracle. And I'm spending every minute I can with my family. On the phone, FaceTime, watching Tv, hanging out... I love being alive. I love my family. I thank God for every day.

A tray of...

We have a new saying. At work. I work as a nurse, with cancer patients, at an onchologyward. One of the nurses had made a special kind of "medicine" today, that she put in medicine cups on a tray.

Chocolate balls - yummy!

"A chocolate a day keeps the doctor away".

It was a good night at work today. I'm tired, but ok. It's gonna be good to lay down close to my love and fall asleep listening to his heartbeat.

Not all cancers are pink

I am 42 years old.
I have eight children that I love more then life, each one of them.
I have five children in heaven, that I miss.
I have four grandchildren and some angel-grandchildren. I love them deeply.
I am married to the love of my life and he is my best friend, my person, my everything.
I have also been diagnosed with cancer.

Me and my husband at my first cancer surgery in the beginning of October
I was so tired after the anaesthesia
This is me last week, before the pathology report came back from my surgery. This is one of the many faces of cancer.

My cancer has been traced back to the man I lived with in my 20:th and beginning of 30:th. He gave me the virus. It is caused by the HPV-virus and has been "sleeping" in my body until it decided to start growing and became cancer.

I decided to start wrighting about my cancer journey. Not only because I'm a nurse working at one of our country's largest hospitals oncology clinics. But because I've also become a patient there.

I want to live. I am going to beat this monster that is roaming my body. One step at a time.

My ex might probably try to use this against me, threaten me and explore my illness. But he is nothing to me. I am not afraid of him. And if he does that it only belittles him even more. So I will wright here. And I hereby publicly ask him to leave me and my family alone in this.

God is with me. My soul is resting in the safe arms of my Jesus. I am calm & not scared.
"Although I walk through the valley of death..."
This is my walk, my journey.
I want to live!

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