My son turned 15 today. A lot of people has called and also written to him to congratulate him. The morning started with breakfast in bed, baguette with Pommac and French vanilla coffe. Then he opened gifts from me, AG, the relatives in Canada, grandma and some more. After that we went to our favorite Chinese restaurant in Uppsala, where we ate sushi- , chinese- and mongolian buffe´ until we almost fainted.
After that we headed of to a wonderful evening together with Mårten, Olena and little Anton. The day has been grate and my son is now happy and has been well celebrated. A big THANK YOU to all of you who has been there for him today.
So: A HUGE Congratulation to you again Skalman and I love you more than anything on this earth! I´m so proud to having been your mother for 15 years now!
Also check out his sisters celebration of him on her blogg:
Here are some pictures from the day:
Shooting his first bottle... He just barely missed the lamp in the celing.
The staff gave him the bracelet when they heard that it was his birthday. Nice!
@ Orient Palace.
Mårten, Olena and Anton.
He chose s e m l a instead of cake. It was nice!
It has been a great day!

I bought new earrings today!

Fun looks!

I just love them!

I am going to bed now. Big day tomorrow when I start my rotation at surgery. Without contacts I might add...

Computerstuff and a party.

The last days has been extremely busy. So I decided to accept the invitation to a party, that I received from a friend. Last night was fun and inspiring. So good to get out for a while and do something completely different. Great evening. And I made some new friends. That is very nice!
The rest of the weekend has been spent in front of my computer downloading different reference systems for my research, skype, spelling programs, APA reference, dropbox etc Now I just have to learn how to use it properly. But I look forward to that.
I am home alone right now, with Alvin as my company. I love spending time with him. Everywhere I go, he goes to. The only problem I have had with him is that he´s not used to be alone. And every time I leave him alone he starts howling and really disturbs the neighbors. I am working on teaching him to change that behavior.
I spent the morning cleaning the apartment and have been working at the computer after that. I feel tired, but happy about a nice weekend. I miss my best friend though. He has gone away to another city to study and it´s empty not having him to talk to. But it´s OK. I enjoy my days anyway.


A lot of things are going on in my private life. Both concerning the children - all of them and SG. And I am absolutely swamped with tasks in school.
But worst of all are my nights. They are frightning experiences of short moments of sleep. The nightmares tares me apart and I find myself waking up again and again, from crying in terror. My whole existence is rocking and I feel unsafe. Mostly because things I never thaught would happen has happened. Ex my oldest daughters assault, the extreme and excrutiating longing for my younger kids, lack of apetite and uncapability to sleep. 2-3 hours a night just won´t do it! And my body reacts to the stress by changing normal functions in to unnormal behaviours like allergic reactions.

The good thing about it all is that my dog and fellow passanger gets a lot of company and long walks at night. He is my friend and loves me unconditionally. No matter how many socks he eats, or the cake he "happened" to take from the table yesterday - I just absolutely love him! I am so happy for his company.

And then also a huge thank´s to my closest friends and familly members. Those who love without judging, who listenes without interrupting and who loves without even any words. I would not make it without you guys! You believe in me even when I am so tired that all I can do is to cry! And you encourage me to press on, to carry on. You ensure me that I can make it! That everything is going to be ok!
Right now I focus on breathing in and out. I go to school and I take honour in succeding with my education. The rest of the time I spend with my son, Alvin and some times with friends.
I know that life has it´s tough periods and this December qualifies as one of the worst ever in my life. What happened this weekend only added to that stress (you involved knows what I relate to). But I KNOW that God is carrying me. I KNOW that there is a dawning. The peace I found in Norway, the closeness to God, the security of who I am and what I believe in is lifelasting. So there is an inner peace and silent happiness inside, even if my nights are pitch dark and spent together with my inner dark passenger. 

I miss feeling your breath against my hair at night. I miss listening to your heartbeat and feeling you touch my hair. To never have little things like that ever again would destroy the hope in me. I love you with all my heart. Knowing that you are there, that you breath the same air as me, that you walk the same earth as me gives me strength to build for the future and to show who I am and what I believe in.
I also miss my children so much. To say good night to them in the evenings and wake up to their chattering is heaven to me. Tiny arms against my neck, drawings with coloured houses and dreams on, snowballfights and watching movies together. You all grow up so fast and in just a month the first one of you is an adult! I am so proud to be your mother and I long to spend every day the rest of my life just being your mother! And being your grand mother.

You complete me!

I live for you!

Dinner at the restaurant today.

Kotten is here, so I invited her, Skalman, Mårten, Olena, Anton and Nils to join us at the restaurant East city in Uppsala. We had a lovely time together and the buffé served there is absolutely wonderful. We ended our three hour long feast with ice-cream and chinese cherrys. It was a really wonderful afternoon together.
Most of all I enjoy having my darling daughter Kotten here for a couple of days!
Well, I just love them!
Nils - my best friend

New family member

A new addition has come into the family. His name is Alvin and he is a rottweiler. I got him from the breeder and he is nine months old. His temper is wonderful and he is very well manered. I have longed for a dog for a long time now and he fits perfect into the family. We just love him from the start and he has behaved absolutely great ever since he came. My friend for life!

Being with the kids.

Yesterday we drove up to Sundsvall to spend time together with the children. It has been a great day so far. I have done some work with my research, but the rest of the time has been spent together with the kids. We arrived at 01.30 last night and Sven had prepared chrimpsandwiches and sushi. It was so luxurious.
The weather has changed between rain and snow all day, so we have spent most of the day indoors. I love spending time with the children and being with them makes me feel complete!

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