I was supposed to travel to Sundsvall to celebrate New Year with my beloved children. I sat on the X2000-train and read. All of a sudden we heared a thumb and the train suddenly stopped. A couple of minutes later we learned what happened. A woman had sat down on the rails and met her death. The train stood still for many hours before backing to a nearby station, so we could transfer to other trains and busses. I got a lift with the police back to Uppsala, because it was impossible to arrange further travelling on new years eve.
The police, rescueworkers and the staff on SJ did a great job talking to and taking care of chocked passangers and staff.

My children are sad and crying, but they know why I could not be with them tonight. I miss them terribly!

My heart bleeds for the woman who felt that her life was so hard, that she chose to end it in front of a train, alone in the cold and darkness on new years eve. And I pray for her familly!!! May God give you strength to live on.




I want to wish all my familly, friends and collegues a happy and blessed new year!
I am travelling by train tonight up to Sundsvall, to spend time with my younger kids. It is going to be great!
We have celebrated with shrimps and white wine today, so me and the rest of the familly has had a great celebration together.
So, take care of eachother and have a wonderful evening together!



I hate when the kids are lighting fireworks and firecrackers in the starway of our high-rise building! It scares both me and the dog half to death. And the stinky smell in the stairwell is simply discusting!


Rafiki, who gave me a brand new computer today AND installed everything so that I can start using it at once.
You are absolutely great! The best best friend anyone could ever wish for.


I am soo happy and blessed! A person gave me a brand new laptop computer today. I have needed one for very long and it is such a blessing! A big THANK YOU for this amazing gift.

I also bought some stuff for school and a pair of Betty Boop headphones.
The rest of the day have been spent working with cleaning away Christmas and then sorting out all my papers for school. There are so many of them, but they are all organised now.

We also purchased a train ticked, including meals, for Kotten. So next week she is coming up to visit us for a couple of days! It is going to be greate! I am so happy!
It has been a great day!

Allergi and a musical

We left our god friends house yesterday anfternoon and during the drive up to Uppsala I suffered a severe allergyreaction. In the car... And of course I did not have the right medicine with me. The edema got worse and my throat swelled up and then my legs, scalp etc. Finally I managed to borrow some antihistamine, so we could make it home. The consequense was, sadly, that I had to take away my rasta, because of the swelling in my scalp caused severe pain with the braids. *sad*  Then I slept for nearly twelwe hours, absolutely exchausted. I am not really shure why I got the allergic reaction, but I´m glad that it seems to be subsiding.

Tonight we went and saw the musical "Perpetua and Felicitas". It was very well made and absolutely very moving. I cried several times during the musical and the message really touched my heart. It has been a very different day than usual. I met friends I haven´t seen for many years and it was wonderful to spend some time together.

Flätat hår igen...

Some familly pictures (December 2011)

At the cinema in Sundsvall.

In front of Svens Christmas tree.

In Habo, Christmas eve.

At the consert "Glimmande jul" Husqvarna.

Late morning

I woke up really late today. Gurra and Rafael had snuck up early and let the rest of us sleep. I can´t remember the last time I slept until noon. I really needed it.
Breakfast, make-up and some baby-play later  we are soon ready to head out. The plan for the day is basically to get some fresch air. My grandson is watching a movie with Scobi-Doo while we are getting ready. It has been a wonderful Christmas Day morning!


No extensions, only my own hair.

Well, well...

Me and Kotten!

If you live...





By Thomas Monson




Christmas 2011.

Christmas is over soon. It has been an absolutely great Christmas and we have celebrated three times! First with the younger kids in Sundsvall, then at home with friends and now together with Kotten and her familly. It is the first Christmas I have celebrated traditionally for years.
Sven made great christmasfood in Sundsvall and Gurra made wonderful food today. The children are all very pleased with their gifts. I gave my younger kids fishing gear and some hunting tools, my grandson Rafael got travelstuff, Skalman was given a "monster-computer" and clothes and Kotten got a machine to make smoothies with. I found a really nice sign for Gustav, that he appreciated.
I was really spoiled this Christmas and recieved a lot of things. Among my favorites are the handmade things that the younger kids gave me, the Rafael calender, books and clothes. But the most wonderful gift has been to celebrate Christmas together this year. I feel so blessed!
Thank you all for loving and caring so  much! All of you!

Check out my daughters blogg www.kottenliten.blogg.se to see some pictures!

I will uploads some pictures here as well.


From the Christmas consert "Glimmande jul" Jönköping 2011.

Surviving the impossible.

The reason for my reflections today was the terrible thing that happened to my oldest daughter a couple of days ago. She was badly raped on the way home from school.

The happiness I felt when she was born has continued to grow stronger and stronger every day. That she exists in this world and that I am her mother is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Being her mother is still such a miracle that I have to remind myself some days that it actually is true.

We did a lot of things together when she grew up. Some of my fondest memories are from travelling to Finland together with her and her grandfather, my dad and the rest of the familly. She was little then and it was midsummer. We made flowers for her hair and she loved to sit in the lap of my grandmother Mojjo.

My father, her grandfather, became both a friend and a fatherfigure for her. When he passed away my little girl grew up and life never became the same.

The little girl with the cute dresses, who was made in High Chaparrall and had the love of horses in her blod, grew up and turned out to a beautiful young woman. I remember the miraculous day when a lady gave her a horse of her own. She was so happy and I watched the bond grow between her and her horse, that became unbreakable.

Her love for the weak and wounded showed through her support for friends sad or suffering. So many girls and boys crashed a night on our couch, when they had nowhere else to go. And she always had loving words to share. She always gives all the love she has out to anybody who might need it.
Her love also poured out on animals.  Many wounded animals passed through her tender love and care. Rabbits, birds, cats, dogs and one time even bambi herself. Kotten has always been such a loving person and I am so grateful for being her mother!
When her aunts still lived in Sweden, they used to spend hours toghether by the piano. Singing songs about heaven and about Affe the giraff. Kotten sang before she could talk and performed on stages from the time she was very small. Either with her grandfather, her aunt or me.
Years later she even performed on stage in Canada. Singing one of her favorite songs "Blott en dag, ett ögonblick i sänder".

After she grew up, we have spent a lot of time together and lived througt some really tough times together. She has turned out to be a woman with a great sence of humor and I have travelled with her all over the world. Anywhere she goes she spreads love and happiness around herself. She is one of my closest and best friends.
I became a grandmother through the birth of her wonderful little boy. Watching her growing in motherhood is such a blessing and I am so proud of her. She is both my hero and my daughter! And that little boy is in every sence of the word a miracle.

A couple of days ago, a man chose to attack her in a brutal and sinister way. I was studying at the kitchen table when the phonecall from the police came. That call changed the world as I new it and nothing will ever be the same again for any of us.
I am watching her struggle to deal with it all and to begin healing. But as always - in the middle of all of this - she still focuses on helping others, of saying a kind word to someone who needs it. The morning after it happened, she went to school to sing and participate in lucia - wanting to spread light in the darkness around her! In many ways she is my hero. And I know she doesn´t like when someone says that she is strong, but showing one´s weekness and fears for someone and giving yourself up for someone else is - in my eyes- true strenth.

My nights are dark and filled with nightmares, but I know there is a silverlining on the clouds. Because she is still my daugther and we have  more time to spend together. Many more travels and more music to sing. I am so proud of her and I am so happy she is alive and that I am priviliged to share her life.

So - one day at a time. Live strong, my Kotte!


My days are numbered!

I am so happy! It has really been awesome to be back in Norway for a month, but I have surely been very busy. I am happy to say that I have met some of my friends - and also made some new lifelong friends.
But the truth is that I am counting the days now, ´til I go home. Now I only have 2 more days of work and on Saturday, after my shift, I will get in the car and start the long journey home. The weather prognosis says that a storm is going to cross my path (or I will cross it´s path...). But I am not worried, because I have packed for all possible scenarious.

Good and awesome news came today. My grandson Rafael has now learned to walk! Yey! I am a very proud grandmother. I was hoping to go down and see them this weekend, but time and weather won´t let me. So we will take it another day.

Every second of every day I have been thinking of my familly back in Sweden, and also my famailly in Finland and Canada, missing them all. It is easy to keep busy, with school and all. But I feel a need to prioritise going for a visit soon. First of all I am going up to Sundsvall to visit with my 4 younger kids. It is going to be great.

Today, after work, I run around the city here with my camera and took some pictures. Looking like a tourist and probably quite silly, because there is a storm raging the area with strong winds and rain. They have some interesting solutions on day to day issues here and I hope to be able to put some pictures out on the blogg when I get home.

Now I  am going to bed, so I will have enough strength to pack the car tomorrow.


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