Easter is soon over.

My son fished some cod and we had a wonderful dinner together on Good Friday. After that we went for a drive with our supercar, that for the moment has a maximun speed of 80 km/h. Something wrong with the engine.
I sat on a raft watching the ocean while my son fished some more. The weather was great, as in no rain or hail, and we had a terriffic afternoon together. When we came home we had a "Fast and the furious"-marathon where we watched all four movies i a row. I love those movies.
I bought my son the box with all four of the movies and when the fifth premieres on cinema, in a couple of days - we will be the first ones to see it! Just wish I could afford a car like that!
Since we moved from Sweden my car has spent seven of the eight months we have been here in the garageshop. Everything that possibly can brake, has broken down. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I have skidded backwards down a couple of mountains with it since we came. The car is simply just inspired by Pixars movie "Lightning Mc Queen" and wants to be retired from her carrier. And yes, we call the car her...

Well, the rest of the weekend has been work, work and work for me. They pay the normal salary + 130% during the holidays and I am trying to save up enough money to go visit my kids in Sweden.
Work is ok today. It is 7 pm and I have my lunchbrake now.

I want to end my wrighting today with wishing you all a happy Easter.
Take care of eachother and do not forget to wish my youngest Princess a happy birthday tomorrow!!! 

Books, candy and yellow honey.

I just finished reading a really good book!
Åsa Larsson "Till dess din vrede upphör".
It is the forth book in the series about crimeinvestigator Rebecca Martinsson in Kiruna. The first three books has also been translated into English.
1. The Savage Altar / Sun Storm
2. The Blood Spilt
3. The Black Path
Åsa Larsson has won The Best Swedish Crime Novel Award in May 2010. I love her descriptive language and the love for Kiruna that shines through all her storys. I read the last book in just a couple of hours and I have just now ordered her latest book from Sweden. I just can´t wait.
Outside my livingroomwindow the sun is shining on the ocean. Dark clouds are trying to chase the sun away, but I hope that the sun isn´t easily defeated today... The ocean is calm and I can see the rain make the surface look like a sieve. A beautiful day!
I´m going to work in a couple of hours. I will be there for 12 hours today, because of the holidays. I like working during the holidays. Patients that not often have visitors get to see some familly, we take less tests on them, the chaplin has regular services in the large diningarea, and there is a kind of serenity over the building itself. Like everything is put on hold to honour the Christian holidays.
I live in a Christian country, so everything here is closed from noon today until Tuesday next week. It is very different from everything I have ever been used to. Only gasstations are open. So I did some serious groceryshopping before work yesterday. Then I faced quite a challange to get it all in to our tiny fridge. I actually had to rearrange the whole thing and my son had to drink a liter of milk, to make room for everything.
Before I go to work, in an hour, I´m going to make pasta and fry some turkeymeet that I bought yesterday. My son has parked himself in front of the tv in our new red leather couche. We don´t have any tv-channels, but we do have movies. He just started watching the BEE-movie. Well, at least the theme is yellow (bees and honey, you know) - so I guess that will do as easterdecoration.
I hid his easteregg yesterday and I heard him search for it until midnight. This morning the had already eaten all the candy. But I guess that´s all right. We are quite different. He always finishes his candy right away, while I can save mine for weeks. I can´t eat chocolate etc since I am allergic to milk, so I end up buying pastilles or chewing gum for myself. And as a vegetarian I don´t want to eat candy that containes gelatine, so there is really not much candy left that I can eat...
So, take a chewing gum, a cup of tee and a good book with you to the couch. Spend time with familly or friends and have a great beginning of the holidays!
Now - I have to go to work.

So yesterday I went for a walk...

The weather here is awful and it´s been storming for 4 days now. I was home from work with fever Thursday, Friday and then had the weekend off. Since I was feeling much better yesterday I actually decided to go for a walk and climbe a mountain. So I packed a thermos, some cold water, a flashligth etc in my backpack, dressed really warm and headed out. The wind was blowing really hard from the ocean. Typical my luck, I walked right into a hailstorm.
The hail was penetrating the skin in my face, but I really enjoyed walking and the feeling of being really alive. The view of the storming ocean was bewitching. All of a sudden I almost bumped into two young men. They were dressed in summerclothes and summershoes. Their faces were almost frostbitten from the storm. I stopped and talked to them. It so turned out that one of them just came from Hawaii and the other one from Arizona. They are missionaries here. None of them had expected this kind of cold weather.  It made my day to meet fellow foreigners, in a storm, in the middle of nowhere on a Sunday walk.
Work was heavy today. One of the cancerpatiens had died during my sick-leave and I was struck with grief. I meen, when a patient dies you just take the name of the door, sort out the papers and then - in just a matter of minutes - you have somehow erased the practical space that person took in the ward. Then the room is ready for the next hospice patient. I hope that caring and reflecting on these things, like grief, lost, pain etc is what makes me a good oncology nurse.
So I saw a really good movie during the weekend: I am Dina
It was exciting, challenging, sad and very well made.
I recommend it.

All together <3

April 2010 in Uppsala was the last  time me and all my children were together.
Love you guys!

Ruin is the way to transformation.

Thank you guys for all your support! It made me so happy that I got feedback and some understanding. It has been so hard to give up everybody I know, my familly and friends and start over. I have got some really god new friends here now, but it´s just not the same as friends who has known you for more than 20 years.
Well, as the headline of my message today declares I think that sometimes really bad things can turn one´s life around. Like a deadly disease, financial collapse, the lost of a loved one. Because it makes one really reflect upon what is important in life, make decisions that can change things, start healing and searching for something that is real. Something that you can build your life on!
Like what´s going on with one of my foster-sisters. She was yesterday operated for a very serious form of cancer. I couldn´t sleep out of worry for her. I know it is really bad, because I work as a cancernurse. And it seems worse because she is part of my familly.
So, I feel far away and I soo wish that I could be there in Sweden and hold her hand through it all. But she knows I love her and that I am with her, in spirit, every step of the way!
It made me think of my own life though. How happy and lucky I am to wake up each day and know that my kids and my wonderful grandson are healthy and ok. It helps me to even more appriciate every moment of every day. And also to hold dear every moment that we still have one another, my prescious sister and I.
So, may all the power of love and healing be with you "R". I love you sis´!!

So I moved to a new country and started over - being a grand´ma n´all!

8 months ago I finally descided to take the leap and start over again. After being very ill and having my first heart attac at the age of 36, giving up my familly, loosing everything - but gaining a new life. I started over. It was a decision based on life or death for me.
After much crying, crying and crying I packed  everything and me and my two oldest kids left for Africa. A short time after arrival, my 16 years old daughters pregnancy got complicated and we ended up in Europe. And in November 2010 I became a very proud grandmother!

I am so proud over my kids and my grand son.

Now I work as a cancernurse in a place where I never in my wildest dreams thought I would end up. And I enjoy it. My son is happy and I work hard at making a difference.

The younger children are living with their dad in Sweden. I miss them every second of every minute of every day. But I will always be their mother, the only and best mother they have. I am a part of them and they are a part of me. Yesterday, today and forever.

And though we cannot be together right now...
We will never ever be apart!

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